When I was pregnant it seemed that everyone felt the need to fill me in on every bit of advice that they could. “Sleep when the baby sleeps”, “breast feeding is better than bottle feeding”, “take advantage of the newborn phase”, etc.
This appreciated advice had me worried about things to do with motherhood that just seem so simple compared to what I know now. Because now that Lincoln is here, it seems that I am wide awake when he sleeps, breastfeeding isn’t always an option, and I’ve regretfully spent moments wishing away the newborn phase.
What a lot of people don’t tell you about is the worry that comes with parenting. Of course I’m not trying to scare people away from having kids, but it wasn’t something that I had thought about before having Lincoln. I didn’t realize how much I would worry about the unknown.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve searched Google for answers, complained to John because all the other babies I see don’t seem to be having the same issue, or racked my brain for reasons why he was crying uncontrollably. I know that this is only my side of motherhood so to some people these thoughts might not occur, and this advice may not be helpful. But I will tell you now, you are the lucky ones.
In Lincoln’s short 5 months with us so far I have filled my brain with about a bajillion questions and found maybe 3 answers. Lincoln was colicky and had reflux so of course I was always searching for remedies to soothe these things. And what I found was that there really aren’t certain ways, it’s just whatever your baby likes. Sometimes it’s to be walked around for hours on end, and other times he just really wanted to sit in his swing. But another thing I found when scouring the Internet was that I was not alone. I was not the only mother asking the web these “silly” questions. And in these moments I felt peace. I wasn’t going crazy, and I’m not the only mother who felt that way.
The evenings that were spent walking Lincoln around in circles while he cried would have me thinking I wasn’t doing something right, or maybe there was something more wrong with him than I could figure out. The fact that babies can’t tell you what’s wrong leads your brain to come up with your own answers, no matter how outrageous they may be. And after nights of endless crying, those answers seem to cloud your head.
I found that a lot of my worry would come in the evenings, because that was the hardest time of day for Lincoln. But every morning he would wake up with a great big grin on his face and he would let out a big giggle when I tickled his belly, and that’s when all the worry would go away.
Colic is hard. Being a new mom is hard. But each day brings new blessings, and hopefully each day brings more smiles. There may still be some hard evenings, and I definitely won’t say I’m not worried anymore, because really I don’t think I will ever stop worrying. I mean eventually he’s going to be a teenager right? I can’t even imagine the worry that comes with that! Of course there will be more evenings of crying (he’s a baby not a robot) but there will always be days full of giggles, and for that I am thankful.